Perfectly Imperfect - The Back Story...

Jessie Knowles

Warning:

This is going to be deep, while I am afraid of the

vulnerability that comes with this;

This is part of my story...

The strongest actions for a woman is to love herself, be herself and shine amongst those who never believed she could.

My story is about being forced to shoulder the burdens of the world at a time when I was not old enough to recognize them. It’s about what happens to a child when all she once new was turn upside down and damaged...

The perfect storm! 

I choose to call it a story of hope, a story of God...from ashes to beauty, (like) a beautiful stained glass window.

It was a tragic moment when as a child I was abandoned and then was so neglected, brutalized and damaged as to cease forever my cries for help; losing everything and being told that I was stupid and worthless and would “grow up to be nothing.

I felt like I died a thousand times as a child but that there must have been a blessing, a resurrection, somewhere in all my deaths, or I would not be alive today.

I’ve learned that thinking that I can one day be free of my childhood trauma, dangerously thinking because it makes me repeat my behavior and self-destructive thinking. There is no changing the past. It will always remain with me. However, there is honest awareness.

With a lot of deep and personal work, I’ve learned that the difference is that I won’t react to the pain anymore. I won’t let it control me. I will always struggle with feeling unlovable. I have learned that the pain and desire is always real, but not about what is happening in the moment.

I don't share this part of my story for pity, I open up to share a message of hope a sign of encouragement that when life beats us down to our lowest point, a place where all we feel is darkness and weakness, there's still a glimmer of hope.

Let me be that glimpse of hope for you, let me be the light in your darkness...

 

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1 comment

Thank you for sharing your honest and emotional story….it helps so many that have suffered similar tragedies and to know there truly is hope in spite of the storm!

Diane Weissenberger

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